Elle with a flower growing out of his head

Who the hell is Elle?

o, this person with the flower growing out of the side of his head is the one we talk of. This is Elle.

A mild mannered 3x year old with a reputation that would make Casanova blush. So, what is it that Elle has that we mere mortals don't? Is it that shock of blonde hair? Is it the blue eyes? (OK, so red eyes - those anti-red eye cameras don't work very well.) Is it perhaps the gym toned body - the abs of steel? Is it perhaps the flower he has growing out of the side of his head?

We thought the best place to start looking for an answer was with the people who have been swept away by this phenomenon. While there are so many that we could speak to, we decided to ask his ex.

Kirk and Elle irk (not his real name) is a shattered shell of a man. He spends his nights in the dark, willing bad fortune on his pet turtle (their illegitimate love-child), Nigel.

Kirk first met Elle in an unfashionable cafe on King Street, Newtown - a place that was at that time a favourite place for Elle. At the time, Elle was trying to collect the set of waiters that worked there and was busy working on his second.

A mutual friend introduced them. He later commented that they "would make such a lovely couple." (But then again, he says that about most people.) It wasn't until a party a few weeks later that Elle and Kirk first got to know each other. Mysteriously, photographs from that party have disappeared - particularly the ones of the now infamous "Elle and Kirk on the pinball machine" incident. I was always amazed that the glass in the pinball machine didn't break - but I guess they are designed to take worse abuse than what happened that night.

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